Constellations
by Frank Edwin Wright III
Summary: Lily Evans thought she had it all figured out; a loving relationship, a scholarship with the Daily Prophet and she has just been invited to Professor Slughorn's Annual Awards Ceremony. What she had not counted on was one act of ultimate betrayal and when things become too much, can Lily survive her final year at Hogwarts? AU. Severus/Lily/James
1. Chapter 1

**Constellations**  
**by**  
**Snape's Heir  
**

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_Disclaimer: This is pure imagination, nothing more. _

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Stargazing was her favourite thing to do. Gazing over the horizon, watching above the mountain tops and fixating on the furthest star she could find in the sky; Lily Evans felt truly at peace. On most clear nights she found herself twirling dials on her telescope and scratching down numbers of new stars that she found, all the while imagining herself up there with those twinkling gems.

Tonight was no different; tonight she found herself twirling those familiar dials, scrawling down new co-ordinates but this time, she also found her body warmed from the autumn chill in the astronomy tower by a pair of slender heated arms.

"It's Capricornus, not Cygnus," he said, removing one hand from around her waist to jab the parchment, "and Cygnus is visible between latitudes of 90 and -40 degrees, not -30 degrees."

"You're being obnoxious again," she told him, brushing his hand away.

His fingers linked hers and he chuckled lightly, a sound she loved to hear. "You said you wanted tutoring Evans, and it's tutoring you're getting."

"It's a headache I'm getting," she grumbled and folding the parchment away she turned in his arms to meet his gaze, "Anyway I've got to go."

"I wish you wouldn't go to that party tonight," he said, pulling her fiery hair away from her neck, "It's just another popularity contest."

"Don't be ridiculous," she replied, "It's an acknowledgement ceremony, to reward those who've exceeded the limits and-"

"-and will go places in life, aid the Wizarding world and become complete and whole as a person," he said, mimicking the words he had so often heard her lecture.

"And you're in with a good chance of getting an acknowledgement too, Severus," she scolded, poking him in the chest, "If you'd just make an effort and show your face, even for an hour."

"I don't need Professor Slughorn telling me what I already know," he said, brushing a hair from her face, leaning close and then adding quickly before she could interrupt, "and besides, if there's any acknowledging need be done it's that you've improved immensely at breaking the rules."

She stood on tip toe, her lips brushing against his and she smiled. "I'm not breaking the rules, I'm Head Girl," she said, "_You're_ breaking the rules."

"Beneath the influence of the Head Girl," he replied, his lips meeting hers.

The risk of being caught sent a thrill of electricity up his spine and fighting against the overwhelming urge to shudder, he pulled her close to his body. Deep within his belly a flame of ecstasy took kindle and he felt a familiar stir in his pants; a heated motion and an intensifying need to catch her petite body and put it between himself and the nearest bed.

His tongue traced her mouth, and she looped a finger around his belt, pulling his hips close. A soft purr left her throat and she pushed away, licking her lips – they tasted of peppermint.

"God, Lily," he groaned, "You know I hate when you that."

"I know," she smirked, wiping a streak of lip gloss from his bottom lip, "I've got to go, it's almost nine."

"Can't you just stay?" he asked, following her across the room and onto the flight of stairs.

"Nope, sorry, "she said, twirling a strand of hair around her finger, "I've to go change the world."

"We should all be so privileged," he smirked, leaning against the door frame.

"See you in Charms," she said and kissing him quickly, she slipped gracefully down the stairs; her hips flourishing with each turn of the staircase.

He watched as far as he could, leaning over the staircase and watching her red hair whip around the final turn before disappearing behind a door. Their relationship although complex, would be easily described as none other than very loving and passionately heated.

There were times when Severus wished that like every other Hogwarts couple, he too could walk hand in hand with Lily, give her a kiss before class and sit with her at breakfast. There were times when Severus wished that like everyone else, he could pretend to be normal.

"_It's better to keep this quiet, Lily. We don't want Potter finding out and flipping, do we? Things are hard enough."_

"_Who cares about that arrogant toe-rag? Everyone knows he's an attention seeker anyway, no one will pay attention."_

"_Lily, please, for me?"_

Shaking her voice from his head, he went back to the windowsill, perched himself heavily against the frame and peered over the grounds of Hogwarts. Seven years had passed since he first walked through those grounds, Lily by his side. Closing his eyes he could remember her words, her fears;

"_Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?" _she had asked.

"_No, it doesn't." _he had replied.

And it didn't make a difference – back then.

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	2. Chapter 2

Slughorn's classroom looked out of sorts; the usual dungeon attire of fuming ingredients and stewing cauldrons wasreplaced with the glitter of night light faeries and scented candles; even the scratched wooden desks had been covered in a silky purple cloth and rainbow streamers concealed the stone walls.

A long buffet of sweetly edible foods was pushed against a wall where a few students stood around, awkwardly conversing and distracting themselves from Slughorn's enthusiasm with large bites from Coffee Toffee Cake and gulps of cold butter beer.

Lily stood ideally near a window, her gaze momentarily caught by the twinkle of a constellation in the distance; she couldn't tell if it was Indus or Equuleus – she wished Severus was here to tell her.

"It's pretty over the top, isn't it?"

She turned and smiled – Remus. Giggling and looking around, she shrugged her shoulders.

"It's very Slughorn," she said, plucking at an emerald drape hanging from the ceiling.

"I think it's good he's invited the house-elves, I mean they work hard enough, right? They deserve a break too."

"I guess so," she agreed, eyeing the small elves who squealed joyfully near the musicians. She plucked a biscuit cake from the silver tray he was holding. "So how did you land this gig?"

A tinge of pink spread across his pale face and he sagged his shoulders in an effort to hide his waiters outfit. She pushed him up straight, laughing and straightening his collar.

"It's some experience," he said, "You know, for when I leave Hogwarts. We're seventh years now; we've got to start thinking about the future."

"Yeah but we've got those meetings with McGonagall, what did she say they were again?"

"Careers counselling," he replied, scratching the back of his neck, "To see what job will suit our talents after Hogwarts you know, to see what chances we have."

"Oh she'll definitely advise you to teach, Remus," Lily said, beaming up at him, "If it weren't for you I'd have completely failed History of Magic last year!"

"Yeah, maybe," he said, smiling slightly, "This waiter job will be experience anyway you know, just in case."

"Don't be silly, Remus, she'd be mad not to recom-"

"Oh Lily! Congratulations!" squealed Liza Bone, flouncing across the room, her thick blonde ringlets bouncing around her shoulders.

"I'd better go anyway," Remus said, smiling at her, "Lot's to serve. See you in the common room later."

"Lily well done on the award, I knew you'd get it!" Liza said, holding her own little award close to her shoulder. "What is it you got again, most probable to succeed?"

"Most definite to succeed in life," she scowled, "And Severus got Best Brewer."

"Who cares what Snape got?" Liza scoffed, "Where is that creep anyway?"

_I care, I care! _

Ignoring the screams within her mind she shrugged and pulled her own award from her bag.

"There a bit tacky," she said, holding up the little gold trophy, "I mean, this is sort of gloating, isn't it?"

"Lily you've won a trophy, you're popular and it's being recognised," Liza snapped, "Do you have to question it? Just go with it. We deserve these awards, we're amazing."

Sighing and putting the trophy back into her bag, she wrapped an arm around Liza's shoulder and smiled.

"How about a bit of dancing?" she asked, "Remus is a great dancer and we can have a three way dance."

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	3. Chapter 3

Hogwarts at night was peaceful; the corridors were silent and every click of her heels echoed through the passageways. The party had gone on to be more than a success, with Lily's plans of staying for just an hour extending to an extra four hours; they had danced, laughed, gossiped and she was pretty sure she had managed to kindle an attraction between Liza and Remus – success!

Occasionally a ghost or portrait would salute her, and she smiled and waved graciously to each in passing. It wasn't until she passed through the third corridor that a strange feeling overcame her.

Quickening her pace, she tried to shake the feeling; nothing could harm her in Hogwarts, she had walked these corridors for the last six years without harm. Unless she counted the time she slipped down the grand staircase and bruised three ribs. A small smirk crossed her lips and she struggled to stifle a laugh.

"Laughing to yourself is the first sign of insanity, don't you know?" a voice called from behind her.

Swivelling around she glared at the figure. James Potter stepped in a drunken fashion from behind a pedestal and half stood, half slouched against a stone gargoyle, his school uniform wrinkled on his body and his tie hanging loosely around his neck. She could smell Ogden's Firewhisky and the crusted dirt on his shoes left no doubt in her mind where he had been and what he had been up to.

"What do you want, James?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"Just because I talk to you doesn't mean I want something. I could have what I want without any effort at all."

Narrowing her eyes she glared at him, her cheeks tinging a slight pink. James Potter's arrogance had become normal in her routine; most days she managed to shake him off during breakfast, only for him to tag after her again in the common room.

"I could bust you for wandering the corridors this late." she declared, cocking an eyebrow at him, "And I can bust you for alcohol consumption."

He snorted, chuckling deeply and shrugging his shoulders. "Do it. I dare you."

"10 points from Gryffindor," she snapped, "Now get to bed Potter before I get McGonagall."

"You've sunk that low then? Taking points from your own house. Put them back Evans," he said.

"Another ten points from Gryffindor," she barked, uncrossing her arms and jabbing him sharply in the chest, "You're the problem here, Potter. You can deal with the repercussions of losing points in the morning when you've sobered up and by the way, take a bath, there's a stink of the green houses off you!"

"Maybe I was practicing Herbology," he snapped, clumsily straightening up.

She threw her head back with laughter. "As if, Potter. It's more likely you were up to no good down there with those not so top secret plants you collected from the Hogshead last week."

"How'd you know about them?" he asked, scowling down at her. His eyes struggled to focus on her face.

"Goodnight," she scowled, turning away.

"Hang on," he said, catching her wrist and pulling her back, "Look, Lils. You know I didn't mean any-"

"Get off!" she yelled, slapping his hand away. "You try too hard, Potter. That's the problem"

Storming down the corridor, she ignored his sluggish calls and angry mutters. Brushing her shoulders off, she tried to kick the feeling of unease. She was used to James Potter turning up in strange places. She took a shortcut along the fourth floor and jogged up the back staircase.

"That was cute."

She swirled around, drawing and raising her wand.

"Expelliarmus!"

Stumbling back, she heard her wand rolling along the corridor. Backing against a wall she narrowed her eyes into the darkness.

"Come out you creep," she demanded, "Don't hide in the shadows."

Stepping around a statue, James Potter smirked at her, winking and extending his arms.

"Come on Lily, let's stop playing games. This is our last year here so you may as well admit you like me now."

"What are you playing at, Potter!" she yelled, "You scared the crap out of me."

"Oh really?" he asked, catching her wrist, "Didn't think the head girl could be scared of the big bad arrogant toe-rag."

She flexed her fingers, his grip had tightened on her wrist and looking into his eyes, Lily saw something she had never seen before; a dark look had taken over his features, he seemed distorted and irrational. She tried to pull her arm away, but his fingers tightened around her free hand.

"James?" she gasped, "Stop it, let me go."

"Lily this is your own fault," he growled, his head sagging onto her shoulder.

He pulled her arms behind her back, pushing her body between his and the cold stone wall, his head nuzzling awkwardly into her neck. She could smell the stale Ogden's Old Firewhiskey from his breath mingle with the pungent smell of sweat and her stomach recoiled.

"James!" she yelled, wriggling in his grip, "Get off James! Help, hel-!"

His hand clamped tightly over her mouth, his fingers clutching at her jaw harshly. Her eyes whirled wildly around the empty corridor, her mind screaming for help. She tried kicking him away, but he pressed himself even harder against her body.

The smell of the green houses wafted up her nose, taking over her senses, and an unfamiliar smell lingered in the air. She felt his arms tighten around her waist; her chest felt constricted, her breathing became muffled and deep.

It all felt surreal at this point; she could feel his calloused fingers prickle her skin, the sickening warmth of his mouth moving sloppily along her neck and face. Her back and shoulders hit the stone floor hard and she felt his body push against hers.

She tried to ignore her thoughts, ignore the warm tears that flushed from her eyes and instead focused on the musky smell. It mingled in the air; it was nothing she had smelled before, yet was something her mind continued to try and familiarise – it was odd, a very familiar, unfamiliar smell.

A warm feeling suddenly overtook her insides and she felt the pressure being relieved. His rough hands left her body and face and she could hear him struggle to his feet. Lying still, she closed her eyes and focused on being silent.

She could see his shadow silhouette into the corridor; it elongated in a demonic fashion up the stone walls where the dying embers of the wall torches made it flicker and dance. Her bottom lip trembled as she struggled to hold herself together. While she lay on the cold floor, her trembling body shadowed beneath his powerful figure, she silently pleaded with her mind to make sense of it all.

The stink of his breath and the distorted smell of greenhouse lingered around her nose, distracting her rational thoughts. James Potter, he couldn't, wouldn't... how could he?

The darkness concealed his face, and she didn't know if he could see hers through the shadows, in a way she was grateful. Without a word, she heard him turn and slide out from behind the statue. She listened to his drunken footsteps disappear down the corridor and when she heard the final click of his heels silence, only then did she roll into a ball and silently cry.

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	4. Chapter 4

She was unsure of how she had made it back to Gryffindor tower; last night's events were a blur at this point and Lily didn't care if it was because she refused to remember or just couldn't remember. Her wrists ached where his hands had tightened around her bones. Stumbling toward the girls bathroom, she silently prayed that no one would wake; though in the back of her mind wishing she had someone to confide in.

The gush of water felt distant and lightweight on her back. Turning up the temperature, she ran a cloth up and down her body, lathering up the soap. She felt numb.

The steam rose in soft swirls and blurred her vision; if it had been any other occasion Lily would have felt calm and relaxed, relishing the peace that came with a steaming shower on a cold October morning, but she now felt distant and lost. Her mind whirled with far too many thoughts: awards, dancing, laughing, butter beers, Liza, Remus, James and that smell.

For a moment she tried to make excuses. It was that smell, those plants; whatever Potter had taken that night, whatever those plants were had made him do that. The look in his eyes was ravenous, dark and cold and there was a different kind of greediness that shone behind his eyes. She was used to feeling watched by him, used to the way his gaze followed her around the common room, through the corridors and his uncanny ability to be wherever she was.

_It was the plants_, she told herself. _The plants, whatever they were had made him do it. Potter, as disgusting and chauvinistic as he was would never intentionally do that to anyone,_ she decided.

Her stomach felt queasy and her legs weakened; leaning heavily against the tiled wall, she slid to the ground and drew her knees to her chest. An overwhelming feeling took over every muscle; her stomach lurched, her throat contracted and her entire body knotted with panic.

In her mind she battled with fight or flight mode, each decision changing the second she considered it. She could run, pack her bag and leave Hogwarts and never lay a sorry sight on the place again; or she could fight, take Potter on, expose him and have him thrown out of the place.

Her chest tightened and her hands shook as she struggled to pull herself up the tiled wall. She felt dirty and exposed, standing there naked in the shower were anyone could walk in and him, he lay just meters away with one floor separating them.

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Breakfast felt as vague as dressing, as did pretending to smile, laugh and actually care about the people around her. Lily had never turned her nose up at a Hogwarts breakfast: sausage, hash browns, fruit salads and the pumpkin juice was always heated nicely at this hour. Her stomach gurgled in protest, the delicious smells wafted around the hall but she just felt sick at the thoughts of eating.

He hadn't arrived to breakfast yet; Peter was there with Remus, and Liza had taken a seat near them. She was unsure if she wanted to see him or not. The thoughts of seeing him made her feel disgusting; the smug look on his face and the cocky walk, strutting in and swinging his legs over the bench, not even sitting properly - she pushed her plate away.

Without having to turn around, Lily could tell exactly which set of eyes bore deeply into the back of her head. She knew those eyes would be examining her and watching her, wondering why she chose to sit with her back to them and for the first time since last night, her thoughts strayed to Severus.

_"You'll sit facing me from now on, won't you?" he asked._

_"Of course," she said, catching his hand and smiling._

_"Promise?" he urged._

_"Pinky promise," she said, linking her little finger with his. "How much different can Gryffindor and Slytherin be?"_

_"Not much." he agreed, taking his eyes off of her new Gryffindor crest and running a hand over his new Slytherin crest._

"Lily!"

"Hmm?" she said, looking up with a dazed expression.

"Lily, I've been calling you for about 2 minutes. We're going to be late for charms, move it," Liza snapped, tugging her up from the bench.

"Oh, right. I'm coming." she said, dropping the slice of toast she hadn't touched.

She felt lost in a vortex, stranded on the edge of limbo with no one to lean on and nowhere to go. Charms went by in a haze of jumbled spells and rigid wand movements and even Professor Flitwick's prompts of encouragement failed to lift the haze.

She felt Severus' eyes on her the entire time, watching her clumsy wand work and she felt strongly irritated with him. Her insides burned with a desire to scream at him; to roar across the room that she had been violated, ruined and tainted by James Potter and at the same time wanted nothing more than to forget the entire night, just as she knew he had.

"Ms Evans, are you feeling fine?" Flitwick asked.

"What?" she asked, looking up.

"You're out of sorts this morning, very much uncoordinated."

"Sorry Professor." she mumbled, dropping her gaze to avoid the black eyes that tried to meet hers from across the room.

Resting her head in the palm of her left hand, Lily scrawled down the notes on the blackboard; none of it made sense to her right now and she didn't care about the precise number of flicks or twirls the charm needed. Her thoughts flew wildly around her mind; she considered telling Severus, telling Liza, telling Remus, asking James about it, killing James, even going so far as to wondering if she could numb the pain in another way.

"Practice hard tonight Ms Evans," Flitwick said, dismissing the class with a wave of his hand.

She nodded in response, feeling upset and angry; she'd never been told to practice harder in Charms, she had always had a perfect score. Taking a deep breath, Lily bit back the sting of tears in her eyes, warning herself not to be ridiculous about something so simple.

"How are you?" Remus asked, filing out of the class behind her.

"Fine," she replied, "Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugged, hoisting his bag onto his shoulders and following her up the corridor. "You seemed a bit out of whack in there, like you were a little lost. Do you need help with that Charm? It can be tough wh-"

"I don't need help Remus!" she snapped, "I'm fine with Charms."

She walked ahead of him and into the girl's bathroom. Leaning against a sink, she ran a hand over her face. The anxious feeling returned; her chest felt tight as if something hard was pressed against her, slowly smothering her. Taking a shaky breath, Lily splashed some water over her face.

Catching her own reflection in the mirror she looked drawn and tired. Dark circles were forming beneath her lids and her face was blotched and stained from crying. She wanted to know why he wasn't in Charms and where he was, what he was doing instead and if he even remembered anything.

Feelings of anger surfaced, mingling with her feelings of disgust. Watching her face in the mirror, she could almost see his reflection too; his mouth slobbering across her face, the warm and sticky saliva clinging to her body, his hands grabbing at her skin and that sickening warmth.

Stumbling into the cubicle she dropped heavily to her knees; her throat felt tight, she could almost feel his hands around her mouth, pressing against her cheeks, constricting her breathing. She heaved and gagged, her stomach contracting painfully and then the acidic burn of vomit consumed her entire mouth.

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	5. Chapter 5

The flames danced like daemons around a bonfire. The Gryffindor common room had always been a getaway for Lily; even with the loud chatting, paper planes and music in the corner, amidst the teenage chaos she had somehow managed to bring her mind to a place of serenity. It could have been the flames; those magnificent yet terrifying crackles and sparks enthralled her, or it could have just been the sense of denial she was living.

It had been an entire week since that one night. She had met James in passing on several occasions and despite every ounce of pain and hurt she felt, it was clear that he was feeling none of it. James Potter was his usual cheery, smug self; he still turned up in unusual places and she somehow managed to avoid him each time.

By now Lily had encased herself in her own little world of pain and misery; she no longer felt joy in reading from the library, Charms had become unbearable with her failing the last practical, warm pumpkin juice and breakfast didn't taste the same so she had stopped having them altogether and she hadn't felt Severus' arms round her the entire time. Avoiding people wasn't the right resolution and Lily knew that, but Lily also knew that Severus knew her better than anyone else. Could she risk exposing the truth?

While she cradled herself on the chair, her chin pressed against her knees, she tried to make sense of her options. Telling Severus would mean anger, arguing, expulsion of probably James and him after Severus got his wand out and what would Hogwarts think of Lily? Would they believe her? Would they all believe that the beautiful James Potter would do such a thing? The infamous Marauder harm Lily Evans? No, they wouldn't believe that. Gryffindor tower knew as well as Lily did that James' only reputation was in partying hard, looking flawless and being brilliant – none of the latter spelled rapist in their eyes, and she knew it.

Could she hide it though? Could she somehow overcome the feelings and emotions, could she forget it all? Unknowns to her, she had subconsciously made that decision while lying on the cold stone floor of the fourth floor corridor that night. While he violated and abused her body, while she lay trying to keep it all in, Lily Evans had decided there and then that she had no other choice but to stay quiet.

Exposing it wasn't ever an option, just her thoughts clinging to a hope. People were unforgiving, James was popular and she was his target of 7 years – teenagers assumed and Lily knew that no matter how she brought her case forward, that she would be the tease, the flirt and the one who willingly spread her legs.

The embers began to die down as did they commotion in the common. One by one the stragglers left, leaving behind them remnants of stolen kitchen food and scraped essays due the next week. She remained on the chair, curled in the same position and dutifully bidding Liza and Elisha goodnight.

The clock struck midnight and eerily enough, the portrait door swung open. She heard familiar voices and muffled bangs; peering over the top of her chair she watched three-quarters of the Marauder's clambering through the portrait.

Her stomach flipped and that familiar feeling of nausea returned. A flush of panic overcame her and she clenched her eyes shut, willing herself to react calmly. She wasn't sure why, but she somehow felt embarrassed for herself. She felt exposed, knowing what she knew and knowing he had no clue. While she should have felt dominating having this secret, this bomb shell that she could drop at any time, Lily couldn't find it within her to take control.

"Peter you're unstoppable, my friend!" she heard Sirius hoot, followed by a hard slap which was no doubt the palm of his hand on Peter's back.

"An absolute wingman," James agreed, "Don't you think Sirius? I mean if it weren't for Peter here you'd have been romping with Hufflepuff clap for the night!"

"It was a close shave though wasn't it?" Sirius sighed and Lily could almost picture the slimy look of success on his face.

"She looked exactly like Millie Turnpike!" Peter said, making a choking sound of disgust.

"Merlin Sirius, can you imagine diving head first into that minge?" James cackled. "Close the portrait Peter, you're letting all the heat out."

Lily kept quiet on the chair, her eyes remained shut as she listened to the banter. She felt sick at the thoughts of James; there was for some time, a very long time ago when she had often caught herself watching him from affair. But now, thinking back to those sheer few moments made her stomach churn.

"Oh Merlin its Remus," Sirius whispered noisily in response to the sounds of a dorm door opening and heavy feet on the landing. "Quick, hide!"

"Don't even be stupid," James muttered confidently, "What's the worst Remus can do?"

"I can get house points deducted," Remus said, coming down the stairs. Lily allowed herself a quick smirk; Remus despite his soft natured personality, was deep down a mother hen and probably the only one capable of exerting minor control over the Marauders.

"Don't be awful Remus," James said, brushing him off, "You can't deduct house points."

"I can't; but Lily can," he said, "And you've been in the green houses again James, for god sake those plants are intoxicating, you know that."

"Obviously Remus," Sirius sighed, "It's only a bit of weed, don't worry. Muggles use it all the time and it does them no harm. Have you seen my test scores in Herbology because of it?"

"You don't take Herbology you dolt!" Remus snapped.

"Well can you imagine how high they would be, Remus?" he retaliated.

"I can imagine just how high you've been tonight Sirius," Remus sighed, "And keep it down, you'll wake Lily."

"Lily's here?" James perked up.

She panicked inwardly, her face flushing and her stomach twisting. She felt almost betrayed by Remus, though knowing full well he was entirely innocent.

"Yes and she's asleep," Remus said, "There's been an owl hanging around her bedroom for almost an hour with a letter. Liza gave it to me to bring down."

"What are you doing with Liza?" Peter asked.

"What's the letter about?" Sirius enquired.

"D'you think she'd mind if I woke her up? I should really give that to her." James said.

"I'm doing nothing with Liza, I don't know what the letter is about and you're not waking her." Remus said.

Lily heard him cross the common room. She could feel his body heat as he leaned over her frame and placed the letter next to her. She tried to keep her breathing even and light despite her entire body suddenly itching and tingling. She lay still for a few minutes more listening to Remus usher them up the stairs, half-heartedly entertaining their question about Liza. When she was sure she had heard the dorm door being shut she examined her letter, recognising the hand writing almost instantly – Severus.

_Lily, _

_Meet me at the astronomy tower tomorrow night – 10:30 sharp. _

_Severus _

His writing was sharp and jagged, uncharacteristic of his usual elegant swirls and looped cursive. She could tell he was irritated just by the way he had folded the letter. Folding it neatly, she tucked it into her pockets and leaned back into the chair stretching her legs. James had sounded once again entirely oblivious to everything and now she knew what that smell was, what those plants were and why he had no idea of what he had done.

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	6. Chapter 6

Leaning against the window frame, Lily let her gaze fall upon the forbidden forest. From her position this high she wondered why her eyes focused on the sea of black trees and not the blue silhouette of distance moors beneath the crescent moon. The astronomy tower was possibly the most peaceful place in Hogwarts; more silent and thought provoking then any empty classroom, secret passage or abandoned library table. From here Lily felt that she could see the world and no one could see her.

She hoisted herself onto the window frame and peered out. The light breeze ruffled her crimson hair, and closing her eyes she leaned back ever so slightly. Sitting there she felt free and relieved of all burdens; the power and strength she held within her mind engaged her – she could let go, fall and that would be the end, or she could chose to lean back just enough to feel safely in danger.

"What are you _doing_!?"

She jerked, clutching the window frame tightly and pulling herself in. Standing in the door frame she saw Severus's tall figure. He looked ruffled and sounded short of breath.

"You frightened me," she said, slipping down from the sill and closing the windows.

"What were you doing leaning out the _damn_ window?" he asked, closing the door behind him. "You could have fell Lily."

"Well I was doing fine until you startled me," she replied irritatingly.

A silence overcame them and she struggled to fight the urge to cross her arms. Instead she placed them on Severus' shoulders, dusting away imaginary particles and fussing about non-existent wrinkles.

He stood statue still and watching her expression; the way her eyes flitted around his body, briefly glancing around the room then back to him. Her hands swiped at his shoulders, he felt energised by her touch. It had been a week since she had come this close to him and he missed her touch, smell and voice now more so than ever. She stood so near him, her hands dusting at his goose pimpled arms, yet why was he feeling uneasy?

"Stop," he finally said, shrugging his shoulder.

"What?" she asked, almost too innocently; for she felt her composure to be confident, yet her mind panicked and raced manically.

"You'll get dirty," he said catching her hands and turning them over to examine her palms. "I had a run in with Potter."

Instinctively she shuffled awkwardly, pulling her hands away and wrapped them round her body. Frowning at himself, Severus wrapped his arms round her petite frame, cradling her against his own much taller and broader frame.

"You're cold," he stated, "I should have arranged a better place. I'm sorry."

"No. No, I'm fine," she said, dropping her head into his neck, "It's just a shiver. I wanted to meet you here."

Resting his chin on top of her head he closed his eyes, his thoughts racing as each sentence he wished to process and speak jumbled incoherently in his mind. Feeling her body against his for the first time in so long sent a shiver of excitement through him. He could almost feel his blood pulsating around his veins as he put every sense to use. Her hair smelled strongly of strawberry, her favourite shampoo from home and her skin felt smooth against his neck, slightly chilled but beautifully erotic.

While he basked in the moment, resisting every temptation, Lily clenched her eyes shut in the hopes she could fight the tears away. They prickled and burned her eyes, tingling and threatening to escape and flow freely. His arms felt hard and powerful against her own plump arms, and she struggled to make sense of it all. She felt safe, at ease and stimulated being embraced in his frame; Severus was strong and powerful, much stronger than her and yet his muscles didn't feel so rigidly tight the way James' had that night.

His arms encased and held her body in a peaceful loving way and the feel of his lips against her head felt soft and meaningful. She lifted her head and met his gaze; his eyes stared back, silently pressing and willing her to speak her mind and tell him.

"Tell me, Lily," he whispered, "Please tell me what's been bothering you."

"Severus I'm fine," she replied, looking away.

"I can tell when you're upset. I know you enough to know when there's something wrong."

"I promise there's nothing wrong," she insisted, catching his hands and looking up at him.

"I haven't seen you in over a week, Lily," he scowled, "That hasn't happened before. You've been avoiding me in corridors, at free periods and you're even failing Charms. Since when does Lily Evans fail Charms, or any subject for that matter?"

His voice had peaked to an unusual level and Lily dropped his hands, her own face mimicking his scowl.

"I'm not failing anything Severus, OK?" she snapped, "So I've fallen behind, sue me! It's _NEWT_ year, what do you expect? I don't see you throwing a rag at Avery or Rosier for blowing up their potions this week!"

"I don't give a damn about Avery or Rosier!" he snapped, catching her hands and staring hard at her. His tone softened and his eyes bore into hers, pleading with her for information. "I care about _you_ Lily Evans, more than I think you even know. You think I don't know you after all these years?"

"I know that you know me Severus," she said, linking his fingers, "But you've got to trust me. I'm honestly OK. Revision is just killing me right now and between getting essays done and thinking about future careers, and I've been struggling for inspiration for my Daily Prophet article… I'm just overwhelmed."

He examined her for a minute, staring deeply at her then he nodded and wrapped his arms around her waist. Smiling down at her, he brushed a stray strand of hair from her face.

"Just promise that you'll tell me the next time you're bothered so I don't go worrying like crazy for the week about you," he said.

"I promise and I'm sorry," she said, catching his hand and kissing his fingertips. "I didn't mean to worry you."

"You did."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"And do you promise to eat more breakfast because I've been watching?" he asked.

"I do," she said, slightly irritated at him for being so observant.

While he cradled her tightly in his arms, both stood silently near the window, the crescent moon casting their shadow along the floor. Lily savored this sweet moment, taking in his smell and the feel of his arms around her waist. She silently thanked the God's she had held herself together; while she stood embraced with him she knew that telling Severus was not an option. His very touch and smile, even the very distant twinkle that did exist in those dark eyes, proved to Lily just how much emotion he felt for her.

She decided she could never tell him her secret; she couldn't break him that way. While she kissed his cheek and entwined her fingers in his hair, she knew that the consequences of her ordeal would have to remain with her only. She kissed him softly, his lips felt cool against hers.

"I love you, Lily," he whispered.

* * *

** Comments are appreciated.**

**You said: "James could never do _that_!?"**

- I've always gathered James as being totally unpredictable. His obsession with Lily is rarely seen in a possessive light, so I've chosen to highlight it and show the not so friendly James Potter, that we all thought we knew. Not forgetting, we're writing an AU here.

**You said: "We want Lily/Snape!?"**

- Here's your Lily and Snape. I wasn't too sure when to bring back the interaction between them, but now is as good as ever having been requested to do so. Rape is a massive thing, and I don't even know how people can bring themselves back to a place of normality, and for Lily, Snape was normal. She struggled to be near him while she tried to figure this out. Having been violated in such a way, I think she was contemplating could she ever feel love again.

**You said: "Isn't Remus such a sweetheart?"**

**-** Isn't he just? That's always how I've seen Remus: a caring, kind and sometimes, slightly taken advantage of. I just hope Remus doesn't get too close to certain characters, they aren't all they seem to be.

**You said: "Is this going to be another Snape screws up and James wins fic?"**

- Honestly, I don't know just yet. I've got two or three possible endings, Snape screwing up and James winning is one of them, but I don't think that'll be the ending. I think it'll be a lot worse than that.


	7. Chapter 7

A tiny golden bell dinged overhead and entering the shop, Lily practiced her breathing –_ in, out, in, out, in, out…_

"Don't be so dramatic, for merlin's sake!" Liza hissed, "You're being far too obvious."

Lily scowled, clamping her lips tightly together. "I suppose this is nothing to worry about?" she snipped, "Because it's so casual, isn't it?"

"Don't turn this around on me, Lily," Liza said, saluting the shop keeper and leading them down an aisle, "I didn't get you into this mess."

Her insides turned as she bit back the desire to snap at Liza and tell her exactly how she had gotten into this mess; and she almost glorified in the horror she imagined her friend would express. A dose of empathy might do Liza some good, she thought as she followed her silently to a shelf in the back of the shop.

"I don't think Lily wanted to get herself into this mess," Elisha said.

Ignoring her, Liza examined the row of shelves and Lily flashed her friend a grateful and appreciative smile. She quietly left Liza sift through the assortment of feminine products, distracting herself momentarily with a box of panty liners. While pretending to read the box, Lily's mind sifted through the chaos that had been the last month of her life.

She wasn't any better than before the incident with James Potter, but she had been certainly learning to hide it from everyone, most awkwardly from Severus. He had recently taken to walking her to class, making it difficult for Lily to feel sad and pointless. She knew he was on to her, she felt his gaze on her from across the classroom and great hall, and she knew it was only a matter of time before he confronted her again.

While she had tried to keep a façade going, she had been finding it more and more difficult to be cheerful and upbeat around him, and what she thought was a growing hatred for James Potter, had become a burning inferno of loathing. Her every thought around him involved revenge and a seething desire to watch him suffer. She wasn't sure how to get her own back, she wasn't even sure if she had it in her to get revenge, but she knew thinking of it left her feeling good.

It had been easy ignoring him, his irrational behaviour always allowed her a chance to stab an insult or watch him embarrass himself; but something had happened, something had become increasingly difficult – Lily had skipped her second period.

Her first had been missed unnoticed. She had been so caught up in loathing herself that she hadn't had the time to care about what was happening around her, never mind her body. However as she built walls around herself, and had begun to find a way of coping, she had noticed her second missed period.

The feeling of something foreign inside her body had made her recoil, her mind had wondered to negative thoughts of bubbling toxic potions and more than once her hand had reached for a silver blade, though she barely avoided temptation.

Could it be possible? Could it be possible that _his _seed was growing inside her? Confiding in the only two people she trusted, Lily had pinned the possibility on a one night stand from home; a no one and a waster who she was stupid enough to keep company with and who by the way, was as ugly as sin.

"Aha, this is what we're looking for!" Liza said, holding a white and blue box out to Lily.

"Keep your voice down," Lily barked, grabbing the box and looking around them. "There could be anyone listening."

"It's not as if you'll be invisible to the world with a bulging stomach in a few months," Liza said, "I think you've even got a little bump going on now."

She poked Lily's stomach, a smirk on her face. Lily swatted her hand away, knowing enough to know that a bump wasn't possibly visible after a little over a month – she hoped!

"What are you going to do if it's positive?" Elisha asked, examining a bottle of shampoo.

Lily shrugged, turning the box over in her fingers. "I don't know," she said, her stomach feeling uneasy at the thoughts, "It won't be though. It can't be, right?"

"I think you'll be ok anyway," Elisha said, smiling at her, "And if it says otherwise then just forget about that creep back home. You'll have plenty of aunties at Hogwarts!"

Lily smiled, she almost felt reassured by Elisha's words and for a moment felt a little excited. Paying for the test was as embarrassing as she had expected; not helping was the withering glower from the shop keeper.

Stepping onto the street again, she wrapped her scarf tightly and braced herself against the icy November winds. Winter had come quickly and more cold than ever before at Hogwarts, and few had chosen to go on the Hogsmeade trip this month, for which lily was grateful – less chances of seeing him.

She knew Severus hadn't come; he was cooked up in the potion stores earning extra credits from Professor Slughorn for a potential recommendation to the Pioneering Potions Academy in London. Lily sometimes wished he'd take his nose out of that cauldron and become more social. She wasn't fond of the crowd he hung around with down there. She knew Severus' intentions in the potion stores were purely educational, but the intentions of Rosier and co were deceitful.

"How about a butterbeer?" Elisha suggested, rubbing her cold fingers together.

"Great idea!" Lily said, feeling glad for the opportunity to get back in doors.

They found a seat nearest the fire and sipped their butterbeers in bliss. Enjoying fine moments like this had become a rarity for Lily and she was determined to hold onto the feeling. A slight paranoia still lingered every time she heard the door open, just in case it was him who'd wonder in.

"So how are you getting on with Remus?" Elisha asked Liza.

"Oh Remus is just something else!" Liza exclaimed, a glaze coming over her eyes, "He's only the sweetest boy I've ever met."

"Agreed," Lily and Elisha said, smiling over their butterbeers.

While nestled near the fire, Lily let herself forget her problems momentarily while together they discussed just how fabulous Remus Lupin was.

* * *

**Comments are appreciated.**


	8. Chapter 8

Her insides knotted; the plastic applicator sat forebodingly on the bathroom sink, the small screen indicating two blue lines – positive. Pressing her head into the cool tiles, she clenched her stomach, willing herself to control her insides; her mouth felt dry, her throat felt raw, her eyes stung from crying and she wasn't sure how long she'd last without vomiting.

Disbelief shrouded her; she couldn't… wasn't…. not possible.

She was too young, just 17; she had her entire life ahead of her, including parties, careers, Severus, not to mention that article she was working on for the Daily Prophet. A wave of resentment overcame her and her insides reared like a daemon. She felt hatred, pure loathing and the need to exert her revenge.

Many thoughts shifted through her mind, and sliding down the wall she curled herself into the foetal position. Her chin wobbled against her knees; hot silent tears streamed down her cheeks and the tightening in her chest started all over again.

She was pregnant. She was carrying the child of a monster, a drug fuelled beast that had no idea what he'd done.

Excuses came to mind. What would she say, how would she say it? She had told Liza and Elisha it had been some stranger from home, a nobody – little did they know; how could she tell them the truth, it was rape, she was raped.

She couldn't… wouldn't.

The story stuck – it was a stranger from home. Then she remembered Severus and another wave of nausea overcame her. How would she tell him? What could she tell him? She couldn't tell him it was Potter, there was no option there; his most hated enemy, the one person he would wish the worst upon, do the worst to. Telling him it was his baby would work, but for how long? What would happen when the child came and looked nothing like him?

She could get rid of it; those thoughts surfaced eventually and rooted in her mind. She could get the baby… foetus… taken from her body over midterm, pretend it never happened and come back and push the past where it belonged.

"Lily?"

She jumped, scrambling to her feet and knocking the positive test across the bathroom. The two blue lines glared mockingly back from beneath a bathroom stall. Kneading the palms of her hands into her eyes, she scrubbed away what tears she could.

"Lily don't make me come in," Severus called from behind the door, "If I risk another detention with McGonagall, she'll have me hung, drawn and quartered."

"I'm coming," she called back, running the tap, "Just freshening up."

"Well I'm waiting, so hurry," he yelled back.

Straightening her skirt, she examined her reflection; a pale, almost sickly looking girl stared back. She applied some lip gloss, a desperate attempt to bring some life back into her dead face.

"You alright?" he asked her when she emerged, awkwardly shifting her bag across her stomach.

She felt the uncontrollable need to shield her stomach from him, to hide the growing human within.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she managed to smile, forcing her lips to curl upwards, "Just woman issues."

"Too much!" he gasped, "Holding up a hand and shaking his head. "I've astronomy later on tonight; will I see you in the tower?"

She cringed inwardly, struggling to look happy at the prospect of seeing him alone; but inside she wanted to curl into her pathetic ball and wallow.

"Same time, same place," she said, giving him thumbs up.

He eyed her oddly, shaking his head and giving her a silent wink. She watched him walk away down the corridor, his heels clicking for some distance before he disappeared into the oncoming crowd. It took everything in her not to disappear back into the bathroom; she fought wither legs, desperate to turn around but determined to carry on.

Making her way to the library, she tried to evaluate her position. She knew nothing about pregnancy, babies, or owning one. She felt lost and alone, hurt by what she had been put through and devastated that it couldn't have ended in that dark corridor; that it had to continue into something much worse.

She thought once more of her options: keep the baby and pin it on Severus, or get rid of the baby and get on with her life. Somewhere within her a little longing began to kindle; somewhere deep down she felt a spark of joy ignite – a stupid feeling, she knew.

She had become so comfortable in her thoughts that she had not heard the sound of someone clearing their throat behind her. It wasn't until she felt a hand on her shoulder, did she jump, a small sound escaping her lips.

"Sorry!" he gasped, raising his hands in defence.

She turned, her stomach flipping and her heart racing – James. He was holding a textbook in his hands, something to do with dragons and he looked unkempt and worn. Black rims circled his eyes and his cheeks looked sullen; his complexion was pasty and he stood somewhat more defeated than normal.

"What?" she found herself snapping. She hadn't realised her fist clenched around her quill, bending it at an angle.

"Easy," he said, huffing slightly, "Just coming over for a chat."

"I see," she replied, "Well I'm busy, as you can see."

His eyes scanned the tidy desk before her, which showed little in its way of a productive and busy NEWT student. He shrugged, leaning one hand on the back of her chair; she instinctively recoiled. Sensing her discomfort he stood up straight, dropping his hands.

"So look, I've noticed things between you and I," he said, rubbing his fingers through his hair. His hand came to rest on the back of his neck. "I don't know what your problem is-"

"_My _problem?" she quipped, raising her brow. "There's nothing strained between you and me, Potter. I don't know where you got the illusion from that we're friends, but you can quickly erase it."

"Oh for fuck's sake," he snapped, taking a step back. "Do you always have to be so hostile?"

"Haven't you got some plants to smoke?" she snapped, turning her back on him.

She heard him growl and for a moment she tensed, expecting a blow or a rough hand on her arm. When it didn't come, she looked sideways; he had disappeared behind a shelf and she could just see the back of his robe flicker as he stormed from the room.

Dropping her head into the palms of her hands, Lily sighed deeply. Another wave of tears stung her eyes and she inhaled before they could escape. Straightening up, she composed herself and grabbed a text book; she was further behind in charms and needed to catch up.

* * *

She was unsure of how long she had sat in the library, her mind had vaguely wondered from the text; and in the three hours un-knows to her, the library had slowly died down. When she finally did look up, it was quarter past 8 and Madam Pince was bustling between tables; her tongue clicking with annoyance as she picked up empty chocolate frog boxes and broken quills.

"Time to go, Ms Evans," she tutted, clicking her tongue, "This isn't a babysitting service, you know?"

Groaning silently, Lily grabbed her books and dragged them from the room. Settling them untidily on a window ledge outside the library, almost purposely banging them down to irritate the librarian, Lily took a moment to think. But for some unusual reason her mind seemed calm; no thoughts came to the front, she felt relaxed and ready to take the world on.

Relishing the moment, she packed her things away silently. Something made her stop; in the distance she heard small movements; light pattering, but quick paced. It came closer and she felt nervous. She found herself jamming things into her bag quicker than before; a mild panic overcoming her.

"Damn!" a voice cried.

She recognised the innocent profanities as being from Remus Lupin, and surely he rounded the corner, his hair tossed and wild on his head. He halted outside the library door, turning the knob noisily and peering through the windows.

"Closed," Lily stated, dumbfound at the state in which the usual composed Remus was. "She chucked me out about 5 minutes ago."

"Shit," Remus muttered, giving up and leaning against the door, "I left my lunar chart in there. My essay is due tomorrow."

"You can borrow mine," Lily said, pulling it from beneath her stack of papers.

He accepted it, casting a grateful look at her. Pocketing the small chart, he stared silently at her. His face was a picture of frustration and anxiety. Lily raised an eyebrow, looking quizzically back at him.

"Remus?"

"I saw you yesterday," he admitted, an almost guilty tone to his voice.

"What?" she asked, her voice a little higher than usual. Had he seen them?

"I saw you in the chemist. I saw you… getting it."

She recoiled, her face a picture of guilt and embarrassment. She felt shame and guilt, her face brightening and her stomach feeling queasy. A stream of stutters flowed from her mouth, nothing making sense. He graciously saved her, raising both hands and shaking his head.

"Look, Lily," he began, "Whatever's going on is none of my business. I mean, you're your own person. Granted, I didn't expect this from you of all people, but shit happens, right? I just want you to know that I'm happy for you."

"What?" she blurted. She felt stupid, standing there with a stream of illiterate vowels and consonants streaming from her mouth. She was pregnant, he knew and he was happy for her?

"I'm happy for you," he repeated. "I know it's probably not what you wanted right now but hey, it's not as if you're the first; and you certainly won't be the last."

"Remus, you can't tell anyone. Please," she pleaded, finding her voice. She found herself clutching his arm, unaware of the tight grip on his wrist.

"I won't tell anyone, you have my word. We've got something in common now," he said, smiling at her.

"What do you mean?" she asked, hesitant to leave his arm go.

"We've both got these secrets. We're like each other's secret-keepers," he told her, running the front of his robe, behind which Lily knew was a maze of scars he acquired at full moons.

She felt a little inflated at his words, and felt somewhat better. For the first time in a long time she felt that the pressure and stress had been relieved, like someone knew and could help. Remus didn't know the entire deadly deed, but he knew what Lily considered to be the worst part and he was willing to keep it a secret, to help her.

"Well I've to go," he said, patting his pocket where her lunar chart was. "Essays to bullshit and sleep to lose."

She smiled, genuinely. "Good luck," she said, "And thanks."

"Anytime," he replied, before hurrying down the corridor.

* * *

That night Lily found herself wrapped in the arms of Severus. They perched on their usual window sill, admiring the winter moon. Her breaths came in deep, slow and peaceful movements; the cold air coming out in smoky clouds. His hands rested innocently on her stomach, little did he know, she thought.

* * *

**Comments are appreciated.**


End file.
